Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Everyone says I win the strip club
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
