the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
