He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
