I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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