Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
