Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
