somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
