Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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