My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
