you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
