It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
