Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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