you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
