I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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