Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
