ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
