So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
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No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
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I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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