Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
