Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
