I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
