At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
