I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
