no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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