i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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