I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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