My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
