Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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