I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
