I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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