i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
