they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
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