it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
