Can Purell be used as lube?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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