I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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