I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
