I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
