but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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