Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
