Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
