My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
