you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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