Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
