as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
