The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
