he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
