What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
why do cheetos always look like penises
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
