i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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