his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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