I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
