I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
