I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
