Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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