I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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