Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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