The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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