Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
