It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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