Where is the hickey?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You ruined the universe
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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