Got a toothbrush?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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