i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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