On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize