did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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