Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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