Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
