Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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