you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
