pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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