He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
