How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
