My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
