I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
