Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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