he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We left the knife in your bed.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
