Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
